How to Save a Life
by CaptainOats12
Summary: This is after Doomsday. Mickey is trying to help Rose but is he strong enough or, a more important question, is she? OneShot SongFic to The Fray's How to Save a Life.


How to Save a Life – The Fray

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Step one you say we need to talk  
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk  
He smiles politely back at you  
You stare politely right on through  
Some sort of window to your right  
As he goes left and you stay right  
Between the lines of fear and blame  
And you begin to wonder why you came_

Every day I watched her. I had to. She hadn't changed since that day on the beach, her heart would never mend and I knew that, but I was worried that she would never change and she would never be able to get on with life.

She would never talk to anyone about it and we all avoided bringing it up in conversation. Everyone knew that someone had to bring it up some day or something terrible would happen. I think they were relying on me to talk to her, after all Pete had work to concentrate on and he knew Rose the least, and Jackie had little Maxie. So it was up to me.

I'd had lots of opportunities but I had backed out, to scared I was going to hurt her. I loved Rose, she was like a sister to me. We had stopped dating because it wasn't working. We weren't a couple, we were family. I knew I would have to talk to her sometime but I kept on putting it off, I didn't know what to say, I had never been in her situation.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
__Somewhere along in the bitterness  
__And I would have stayed up with you all night  
__Had I known how to save a life_

I walked down the corridor towards Rose's room. It was the perfect time to talk, Rose was peacefully reading a book. I knocked on the door and opened it. I was shocked to see Rose crouched in a corner of her room, knees pulled to her chest, face hidden. In front of her was a book with hundreds of pictures spilling out of it. She looked up as she heard me enter. He face was tear stained, black trails of mascara leading from the corners of her eyes right the way to the bottom of her cheek. She looked at me desperately and I ran over to hug her. On closer inspection I saw the pictures were of her and the doctor and some of the TARDIS.

'Oh Rose, what are you doing to yourself?' I murmured softly. She buried her head into my shoulder and sobbed. I stroked her hair and sat next to her. 'You want to talk about it?' I asked, knowing the answer.

She shook her head. I knew then that I should still insist on talking and eventually drag it out of her but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I told myself that she didn't want to talk and there was no point in forcing it out of her. I knew I was lying. So I sat with her for ages, letting her use my shoulder as a pillow and gently stroking her hair.

_Let him know that you know best  
__Cause after all you do know best  
__Try to slip past his defense  
__Without granting innocence  
__Lay down a list of what is wrong  
__The things you've told him all along  
__And pray to God he hears you  
__And pray to God he hears you_

Eventually I stood up and pulled her up slowly with me. 'Come on, let's go and get you some food,' I said. She opened her mouth in protest but shut it when she saw my look. I smiled and she followed me downstairs.

Pete and Jackie were out so I sat Rose down and got her some toast. She ate in silence as I looked at her worriedly. She swallowed the last piece and said, 'I'm fine you know, you don't have to treat me like you're my mother.'

I smiled, 'I'll believe that when I can go to your room and not find you hiding in the corner with pictures of the Doctor everywhere.'

She flinched at the casual use of his name. She opened her mouth, about to say something important but shut it again. Instead she said, 'I'm gonna go for a walk.'

'Do want me to come with you?' I asked hopefully but she shook her head.

'I need to do this alone.'

I nodded. She got up and left the room. I washed up her plate and went into the hallway, waiting for Rose. She came down the stairs and I hugged her. 'How long will you be?' I asked.

'About, 15 minutes. Is that OK?'

'Sure, call me if you need anything.'

Rose nodded and smiled. 'Thanks.'

'For what?'

'Everything.'

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
__Somewhere along in the bitterness  
__And I would have stayed up with you all night  
__Had I known how to save a life_

I stood confused as I watched her leave. I waited after that for half an hour. She didn't come back. I started to get worried after an hour and rang Jackie and Pete. They hadn't seen her either and Jackie rushed home from shopping. She came through the door after 10 minutes of me calling all Roses friends to ask if they'd seen her. The answer came back negative every time. Jackie had put Maxie in a nursery so he wouldn't get in the way whilst searching for Rose. She and I rushed around in a frenzy doing everything we could but with no luck.

2 hours after Rose had left I got a call from the hospital. Someone had found Rose lying behind a tree in a pool of her blood, a knife through her heart. They had rushed her to hospital but it had been too late.

The next 3 hours were like a blur to me. Jackie and I jumped into my car and I drove us up to the hospital. All through the car journey we sat in silence, Jackie kept on fidgeting with the edges of her skirt and checking herself in the mirror, anything to distract her from the truth. I wanted to talk to her but I knew there was nothing to say. When we got there we met Pete and we were taken to Rose's room by a nurse.

The sight that lay before my eyes when the door was opened was horrible and shocking. Rose lay still on the bed, her eyes were shut and her face was white and peaceful. Jackie ran over to her and dropped to her knees, her face lay on Rose's tummy, sobbing loudly. Pete walked over and comforted her but I stayed by the door staring at Rose in silence. Millions of thought were running through my head, who had done this to her? Had she done it herself? Is that why she went for the walk? Was it because I didn't talk to her about the Doctor and that day at the beach? Was it my fault?

_As he begins to raise his voice  
__You lower yours and grant him one last choice  
__Drive until you lose the road  
__Or break with the ones you've followed  
__He will do one of two things  
__He will admit to everything  
__Or he'll say he's just not the same  
__And you'll begin to wonder why you came_

One of the doctors walked over to me and tapped my shoulder lightly. I turned my head sharply to look at him. 'What is it?' I asked softly.

He reached into his pocket and brought out 4 envelopes. 'These were found in her pocket. It was covered so none of the blood got to them.' He gave them to me and I read the names on them. One of them was addressed to me, the other two to Jackie and Pete, and the final one to the Doctor. I sighed, it was just like Rose to write one to him.

I smiled at the doctor, 'Thanks,' I said. I tapped Pete on the shoulder and gave him his letter and Jackie's. He didn't need me to tell him who they were from and what they were about. I put the Doctor's in my pocket and opened mine. It read:

**Dear Mickey,**

**I'm sorry this had to happen but I couldn't go on with life, not without the man I had given my heart to eternally. I killed myself. You probably already know that if you've got this letter. It's not your fault, and I'm not blaming you, but I couldn't go on with life, I had all these feelings bottled up, it was too hard. I know I shouldn't have dismissed you when you asked to talk but I didn't think I would be able to talk about him. I love you so much Mickey, you've been such a sweetheart, waiting for me and looking out for me when I was off with the Doctor, and helping me after…you know…it happened (god I can't even write it without getting tearful). Without you I don't know what I would've done, you're like a brother to me. Please, now that I'm gone, look after mum, dad and Maxie, and, for god's sake, look after yourself. Get on with life, you'll have a fantastic one and I'm sure you'll meet someone fantastic too and have children, if you really miss me you can call one Rose! I'm only kidding. Don't mourn for me for too long, I'm happier here than I ever would have been there. By the way, if you ever meet the Doctor again give him that letter, it would mean everything to me. Goodbye and thank you for everything. **

**Love Rose xxx**

I was on the verge of tears by the end and I could see Pete's letter had the same effect on him. When he finished reading he gave Jackie hers. She looked at me and I smiled sadly. She ripped off the envelope and read the letter hurriedly. When she had finished a new batch of tears had poured from her eyes and Pete held her instinctively.

I kept going over the words from Rose's letter in my head. **I had all these feelings****bottled up, it was too hard**I knew it was all my fault, if only I had talked to her I could have saved her life. But she was dead…because of me. I felt something tug at my heart and I collapsed to the floor, holding my head in my hands. I felt like screaming. If the Doctor knew I had done this he would hate me more than her already did, and that would be saying something.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
__Somewhere along in the bitterness  
__And I would have stayed up with you all night  
__Had I known how to save a life_

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3 years has passed since that day and I still haven't seen the Doctor. I keep the letter on my desk, waiting. For ages I wanted to open it, to know what Rose said in it. But I never did, it would be and invasion of privacy and, anyway, I could already guess what she had written. 

We've got on with life and never has anyone blamed me for her death. Apart from myself. Every night I think of what life would be like if I had just talked to her, persisted when she said no. Would she still be alive? I think yes. She would still be here, if only I had known how to save a life.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
__Somewhere along in the bitterness  
__And I would have stayed up with you all night  
__Had I known how to save a life_

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**A/N I hope you like it. I'm in love with this song at the moment. If you've never heard of it, listen to it!!!!! Please read and review.**


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